


The List

by GoldenMars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Rough Sex, Sad, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 08:07:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15263088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenMars/pseuds/GoldenMars





	The List

**Alright guys, this was fun to write, feel free to let me know what you think :)  
** **None of the characters belong to me, all rights go to JKRowling.**

 

Hermione Granger examined the paper, she had made a list, a list specifically for herself. The war had ended, but Ron had passed on from a curse, Harry, of course, married Ginny and they had started a family. Now Hermione was happy for them, but she was alone, she was lonely, many people had died, many that she cared about. She couldn't go back home to her parents, because she had obliviated them, and there was no turning back. She sighed and read over the list before delicately folding the paper into fours as if it were a rose petal, it was special to her anyway.

 

**Step 2: Confront Professor Snape.**

 

Severus Snape had survived the way, all thanks to Hermione, Ron, and Harry, though they had a terrible feeling that the ex-deatheater loathed the more for it. He had stayed in St Mungo's for quite some time to heal, and Hermione was the frequent visitor, making sure he hadn't ended his life. Every time she checked on him, he would be his usual self, no smile, she ignored this because she didn't mind. After all, she was in love with him, after they had saved him, she could feel her feelings tugging at her heartstrings. It was a few weeks ago that he was released from St Mungo's, but he didn't disappear much to Hermione's relief, she had seen him roaming the busy streets, his hair was beginning to grey now, and she found it awfully attractive, and his walk, he walked calmly and lazily, not the way he use to in Hogwarts, which was fast-paced and stiff.   
Today she sees him again, browsing through a window, he's dressed rather nicely, a dark blue top with a black jacket accompanied with dark grey trouser pants. No, he hadn't noticed her, she looked at herself in the reflection of the shop window next to, she had grown rather beautiful, gone was the bushy hair, which was now well kept, and the overgrown teeth, as her physical features began to mature and accompany them. She was beautiful, very beautiful, light brown freckles speckled her cheeks, she loved them, and she hated to cover them up with foundation. She finished raking her fingers through her hair and turned back to where Snape was, but he was gone... Well, that went well. She didn't want to show that she as disappointed, or that she as looking for him, she started walking.

 

*************************

 

Another time she sees him, she's not going to let him go, because she might not ever see him again, he's walking along the path of the park, and she follows him, but take a shortcut just so that she wouldn't fall behind, maybe pretends to not notice him.  
She moves quickly and quietly because she can't see him, obviously, when she's going through the shortcut, she's literally rushing now and burst out of the end, nearly smashing straight into him. Her heart is pounding, and she nearly rolls her ankle, but she feels strong arms encase her, stopping her from her fall, 'oh my god, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?' She straightens herself and pulls away from him. He freezes and she copies him just to play along, he cocks an eyebrow of uncertainty.

'Miss Granger?'

His voice is a little rough, and she knows why, her eyes automatically flicker to his neck, but only for a few seconds, she pretends like she doesn't know him, 'uh... Yes? Who's asking?' Well, to be honest, he does look a whole lot different than what he looked like back in school.

'Severus Snape'.

Her eyes widen, also playing the part, but also with shock that the fact that he said his first name in order for her to recognize him, 'oh my god... How are you?' She takes a tentative step towards him, and then he does something completely out of the ordinary... He smirks... He actually smirks. 

'I'm quite fine, in fact, I have never been better'.

He doesn't ask how she is, and it's a bit awkward, maybe he doesn't want to know her and she's just wasting her time, 'that's good... Well, I'll just be going -'.

'What exactly are you doing with yourself, Miss Granger?'

'Oh, I work in the Ministry'.

'Of course, you do'.

'How about you sir?'

'I create potions and sell them, also I collaborate with other potion masters, though it is only recently that I started doing so'.

Hermione could get a better look at him, he was handsome in an intimidating way, and yes, he was greying, she could see it, his dark brown eyes pierced hers. His pale skin had a hint of color, not like before she left him in the boathouse, where his skin was deathly white from loss of blood. She hadn't realized he had stopped talking until he cleared his throat. She shook her head, 'sorry... I uh'.

'You must be going?'

'Uh... Yeah, I have work tomorrow... I'll see you around I guess'.

Her heart as pounding as she says her goodbyes and she turns to leave when his hand grabs her forearm, and she nearly loses her balance as she's in high heels, which allows him to steady her. 'Yes?' She asks, turning her head a little in surprise, but he's let go, obviously having second thoughts about what he was going to say or going to do. He let her walk away.

 

 

******************************

 

 

She sees him more often now, and she smiles to herself as she checks off the first step, now on the second.

 

**Step 3: Ask him out.**

 

She shivers, because she know's it going to take a while until he fully trusts her with his time. She sees him so much now, probably because she was aware of his presence, they've spoken a few times until finally she plucks up a little courage and asks him, and by god, it's awkward, but it happens and she can't help but feel proud.

'So...'.

'As it is Miss Gran -'.

'Hermione'.

She could see him slowly turn his head to look at her, but she looks over the river still, they are on a bridge overlooking the rushing water, 'uh... So I was wondering, are you free tonight?' He's still looking at her, 'yes I am', he replies after a while, 'why?' He adds and Hermione wants to throw herself over the bridge into the cold water... And for some goddamn reason, she does just that. She almost screams when the cold water envelopes her, she is shocked to her core, why on earth did she do that!? She hears yelling, her body is nearly frozen and she can't really move as she is pushed down the river, she manages to look up to see Snape rushing off the bridge, she can see his wand in his hand, his face had gone deathly pale, and his eyes were wide with pure shock, and she wouldn't blame him. Magic swirls around her as he lifts her out of the water and throws her onto the cold dirt on the side of the river, she's shiver and she hadn't brought her wand with her, but be that as it may, she may have lost it in the river if she did bring it along.

'What is wrong with you!'

He snarls at her, 'where's your wand!?' 

'I left it at home!'

He points his wand at her and dries her off, her body no longer in shock and she stands up, brushing the lingering dirt from her cloak, 'you haven't answered me!' He says all too harshly and she knows that now he would never go out with her, or spend some time with her, all because she was so nervous. 

'Hermione'.

His voice was slick as he said her name, obviously, he wanted to grasp her attention, which he did, 'I'm sorry! I- I just got so nervous!' He frowned at her, a sign of concern, 'nervous? I know I was harsh in class, but I wasn't all that bad... I'm sorry if I make you feel that way... I'll leave you -'.

'NO!'

He stops mid-sentence, his face clouded with confusion from her outburst, 'no! I was nervous because -'. He nods, his eyes never leaving hers, 'because?' He says, his voice hinting her to go on.

'I was going to ask you **_out_** okay! I was going to ask you out and I panicked! I chickened out and I'm sorry!'

She looked away when he said nothing, she looked pathetic, and he looked rather silly just standing there with no clue whatsoever, 'is that all?' His voice rang through her head and her head whips up in anger, 'yes that it all! What was I supposed to -'.

'Yes'.

'It was automatic alright, I didn't mean to throw myself over the bridge-'.

'Hermione, yes'.

'I mean, what would you do if -'.

'HERMIONE!'

She flinches from his voice, her eyes looked up at him and he's still frowning, 'yes, I'm free tonight, and yes, I would very much like to go out with you'. All she could hear was the wind, her mind had frozen, he had said yes, and he wasn't even slightly disturbed that she had asked him.

 

She opened the door to her home, she was hoping to take him to a restaurant, but he wasn't in the mood, so she decided to bring him to hers. Pushing the door open a little more, she stepped to the side to allow Snape's bigger form to pass her, nodding to the cloak rack, 'you can leave your cloak on there', he does so and follows her into the living room, she gets her wand and lights the fireplace up, it roars to life, 'what hot drink will you like?'

'Hot chocolate'.

She's surprised that he would love that kind of drink, but she hides her expression and goes to make the hot chocolate. In fact, she loves it too, and she's been rather creative with it.   
She could see the amusement in his eyes as he takes the hot chocolate, littered on top are baby marshmallows and sprinkled on top is powdered chocolate, 'I'm guessing this is your favorite drink?' He says to her and she's smart enough to know that that question doesn't really need an answer. Instead, she smiles and sips her drink as does he. They're both quiet, taking in everything, the fact that they've met, the fact that they've kept in touch, and the fact that they're together, closer than ever.

'What happened when I was gone?'

His voice echoed through the room, and Hermione was prepared, because she knew that question would come up, 'when you passed out, Harry, Ron and I were able to stop the blood, I still had a few potions I had brewed in my bag, we hid your body away in the Gryffindor common room under Harry's invisibility cloak. But we were ambushed by a bunch of Death Eaters, Harry and I made it, but Ron -', she sucks in some air and Snape looks at her, knowing the new of the Weasley boy was not going to be good, 'he was hit, he survived the war though, but later on the curse ate him alive. No one knew what it was so there was no way in saving him'. 

'I'm sorry to hear that'.

'He was going to marry me'.

She sees Snape tense in her peripheral and knew that she shouldn't have said anything, but he relaxes afterward, 'you would have been great together', and that's when she thinks about it, about what her life would be like with Ron, suddenly she feels empty, she couldn't find anything that would bring a shine to her. 

'Are you alright?'

She looks up to see Snape looking at her, his drink posed halfway, and when she nods he goes to take a sip, 'is there someone in your life?' She suddenly asks him and she expects him to spurt the drink out of his mouth, but he does not. He swallows, lowers the cup and turns to look at her dead straight in the eye, 'no... There hasn't been anyone, except for Lily'.  
Lily, Hermione had seen a photo of her and by god she was beautiful, Hermione would never get over how pretty she was, she was never going to compete with her. Hermione leans back, 'ever since Ron was gone, I haven't found anyone yet'.

'That's rather interesting'.

'How so?'

'I'd thought someone man would be after you'.

'Not really'.

Snape scoffed, 'then they're all fools', she looks at him, 'I wouldn't blame them, after all, who would want a Know It All', she sees him tense, and she knows that he's aware of whom had called her that.

'That was some time ago Hermione, you've changed'.

He looked at her this time, the nervousness was gone from that second, and she smiles, 'I didn't know you had freckles', he suddenly said, cocking his head to the side a little, as if trying to see better in the light, 'oh! Yes, they weren't there when I was in Hogwarts, but they've become more prominent now'. 

'They suit you'.

She blushes at his comment and he looks on into the fire. They sit there for quite some time until she's feeling tired, seeing the blackness creep around her vision, Snape doesn't seem to notice until she blacks out.

 

 

*****************************

 

The next morning she's awake, and she's on her bed, half-naked, her heart is thudding against her chest as she lifts half her body off the mattress to assess where she is, this was her house. She hadn't been drugged, because she could remember Snape being with her, SNAPE! She lunged out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown before rushing out, he wasn't in the house, she sighed and sat in the kitchen, he would've gone back home.

She doesn't see him for weeks, and the hope that had once flared up inside of her begins to die, she's not too down heartened because he is a busy man, and she shouldn't be too selfish, so she waited some more. Weeks turn into months until it becomes a full year that she doesn't see him, and that's when she comes to accept that he may not want to know her. So when she sees him, she doesn't have any more emotions, she actually doesn't  _see_ him, she walks by the massive window of the cafe that he sat in, and he's only a few feet away from the window, but he spots her. She walks straight past, almost like a zombie. He's hesitant before quickly getting up from his seat to go outside and confront her, but by the time he is outside, she is gone.

Hermione looks at the list, she had forgotten about it.

 

**Step 1: Fall In Love With Him**

 

Was already ticked off, so were step two and three, the next one hadn't been touched,  **Step 4: Kiss Him Goodbye** , now Hermione hadn't written,  _make a family with him_ , no that was too much control, it was unnatural, to be honest, she didn't mind if she didn't have any children, she knew she wasn't one for kids, but she didn't know what  _he_ was like. She sighs and is about to cross out step three when there's a cracking sound and she sits up to hear someone enter the hall, her heart is beating fast, no one knew of her whereabouts... Wait. She sits up to see Snape enter the living room, and he looks rather uncomfortable, his eyes widen a little more because she's cut her hair, and she's more beautiful than before, plus she's not wearing any makeup, so her freckles are showing. He opens his mouth to say something, but then decides not to, she's sitting there, her eyes are wide with shock until they go back to normal.

'Can I help you?'

He's a little shocked at her attitude, she wasn't the least bit excited to see him, then again he hadn't contacted her for about a year after their time together, he just couldn't face the fact that he undressed her and was about to lie in her bed with her, it just wasn't right, and truth be told he was trying to sort out his feelings. It had become prominent to him that he was in love with her, but first, he had to try and get her to understand why he wasn't there when she needed him.   
She has made him a drink, and he's hesitant to take it, she's sitting in front of the fire, looking straight ahead, not daring to speak. Hermione Granger was pissed... Nah... She was fucked off. How dare he come back and act as if everything is normal, but she wanted his presence, his explanation, so she makes him a drink.

They sit quietly, only the sounds of their sipping can be heard, until she stops and only has half a mug, whilst he has finished it all, and he places the cup on the floor and is about to speak when she throws the last of the hot chocolate onto him. Thankfully it's not hot, but it still shakes his core. They both freeze, Snape looks from Hermione to the front of his shirt, the liquid dripping down the cloth. Shock turns into anger, he lunges at her, but not before she throws her cup at him, hitting him straight in the face, which hurts him, he falters, his hands cupping his face in pain. Hermione shuffles back because she's afraid she made him cry, and Snape had never cried. But then he's on her again, a new burst of anger in him as he collides into her, slamming her into the carpet, pushing her down with his strength, he wants to hurt her, he knows he can hurt her. If he pushes on her more, he will break her ribs, he will snap her collarbone, he will kill her. Hermione's struggling under him, she almost pukes up the hot chocolate, he's heavy, too heavy and her body isn't reacting well, she's panicking when she realizes that he's got her pinned. His body lying on top of her, managing to slot himself between her legs. His fingers wrap around her throat as if to choke her, he tightens his grip, but only just a little as if to warn her. But he hasn't retrained her hands, only her body. She stretches her hand out and grabs ahold of her wand and is ready to hex the hell out of him, but with lightning quick reflexes, one of his hands grabs her wrist, effectively rendering her useless. 

Then they're fighting even more, Hermione doesn't know what's he's doing, but she's fighting him, wrestling with him on the warm carpet, the fire is still alive, he's having a go at her clothes until his long fingers manage to rip her top open, revealing her lacey bra, and they both freeze for a moment, and he can still how still she is because he can see her chest beating from the adrenaline.  
He struggles with her more, pinning her lower body down with his pelvis and rips her bra off, her chest bare and this time Hermione screams, because she's embarrassed, she doesn't want him to see her like this, but he wants to. He kisses her breasts with so much tenderness that it stills her, then his hand slithers up to the back of her head, pulls at her hair, causing her head to fall back, wincing in pain as he forces her to look up and away from as his mouth descends on her throat and he bites down to the point that there is blood. She yelps in pain and tries to pull herself free from his grasp, but he holds her tightly, his grip tightening in her hair, making her sob as she tries to fight him off, he unlatches from her throat and moves up to her lips, speaking, though his lips are against her.

'Stop fighting Hermione, stop'.

She is breathless, her labored breathing entering his mouth as he doesn't back away from her as if he wants to breathe her in. He then strips her, and then himself, Hermione is frozen, she doesn't want this to end. He lies on top of her again, but this time, pushes her legs open even more because he has to push inside of her, he has to stretch her, to feel her. He looks into her eyes and then slowly enters her, and he actually gasps and whimpers, as if he's in pain. But she's painfully tight, so tight. Hermione sobs a little more, because she was a virgin, and her entrance wasn't used to this immediate stretch, he tries to push in some more, but she grows tighter and tighter to the point he is panting rapidly to try and hold himself from cumming, he doesn't want to cum yet, not until she is comfortable.  
He's now seated in her, and it's painful, very painful for the both of them, 'ow', he whimpers more to himself, but Hermione looks up at him, she too was panting rapidly from being filled.

He rolls his hip and he falters, curving his back upwards because he's sensitive, very sensitive, he too was a virgin, the feeling was supposed to be amazing, but he wasn't ready for it, 'ah! Ah god!' He sobs as his length is sucked back into the grip of Hermione Granger, and the pain hurts him, he feels hot tears roll down his cheeks. He then begins moving his hips in a slow but jagged rhythm as the sensitivity interrupts them, but he keeps on going because there seems to be a barrier, he could feel it, looking down at Hermione he knows that she could feel it too. He keeps on rolling his hips until their's a slight popping sound and pain shows on Hermione's face and she starts crying, out aloud. Snape hugs her tight to him, hushing her and kissing her lips, trying to swallow her cries of pain as he broke through her maidenhead.  
He's throwing all his weight on her as he drives into her until she tightens around him, and his eyes grow wide as he panics, he's being squeezed, he's being milked and it's almost horrifying, 'shit!' He curves his back upwards in order to pull himself out in a fit of panic, but she's rather strong down there, and in the end, instead of sliding out of her, he yelps in pain as he literally drags her back with him across the carpet. Like two wolves locked in their mating ritual. Then he freezes and feels his muscles tense and then spasm as he chokes, he's cumming, he's cumming inside of her.  
Afterward, he has to slowly slide out of her because it hurts a lot more now that he's not hard.

 

*************************

 

Hermione is shocked that he doesn't leave her this time, and she's even more shocked when he proposes to her, he wants to marry her, to be her husband to have and to hold, till death do them part, but the ring that he bestowed to her wasn't any normal ring, in fact, it harboured great magic, for if he passed on into the next realm she would go with him and the same rule applied the other way around. He showed his knowledge that he knows he hasn't known her personally for that long. But she doesn't care, because he then explains to her his emotions and that he wanted to make things work, he just didn't know how to face her and she understands.

 

************************

 

Hermione Granger looks at the list and crosses out step 4 because there was never going to be a step 4, and she was glad.

 

A few months later, the family of two becomes a family of four.

 

**Please comment!!!!!**

 

 


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